Hook Line and Sinker
by Meganfitz
Summary: The office is sent into maddess when a new person comes to observe for the day. She gives advice and cookies to all who will listen. My first The Office story.


Disclaimers: They aren't mine. I don't know who owns them but I would like to buy them a beer, but they probably have more money then I do.

Author's note: I've written mostly _West Wing_ stories and this is my first _The Office_ story. I tried to make it like the show, but it's no where near perfect. It was just a fun little story I've had in my head.Everything that is in _Italic_ is the intervew with the cameraman. Feedback is always welcome.

* * *

_Pam looked into camera with an evil smile on her face, "So today a person from Corporate is supposed to come in and observe our productivity. It should be a good day." _

* * *

A leggy brunette with her hair is a French Twist and a blue power suit walked into the office. Instantly whispers started among the co-workers. 

"She must be from corporate."

"Why didn't they send Jan?"

"Probably because of her "relationship" with Michael."

Pam pinched her lips together trying to suppress a smile.

The woman spoke clearly with a soothing tone, "Ladies and gentleman ,can I have your attention please?" All eyes focused on her. "My name is Kimberly Moss; I'm here to make observation about productivity in this branch. I will spend the first two hours observing and then I will conduct one on one interview with each of you. I want to insure everyone your jobs are not in jeopardy. Please just pretend I'm not here." She smiled brightly.

Michael came waltzing in the door shaking off snow in the process. He eyes followed the snow and didn't look up, "Hey Pam Poopie Pants when is the Sea Hag from Corporate supposed to be here and ruin our day."

Pam pointed, "She's already here."

Michael looked up in horror, "See I don't know if you're familiar with the term 'Sea Hag' but it's a term of endearment around the office."

Kimberly frowned, "No its not."

Michael blinked a few times, stunned and regrouped. "Ok so why don't I introduce you to some of the people in the office…" He waited for her name.

"Kimberly." She stated flatly.

* * *

_Michael looked into camera- he's smiling proudly, "My best quality is making a first impression."_

* * *

Michael guided her around the office, "This is our sales team." Jim waved and said "Hi" Dwight was about to speak but Michael interrupted him. Michael also ignored Phyllis and Kevin. Kimberly smiled at both of them. "This is our accounting and human resources." He pointed to all his minions. "Now everybody let's be productive. You don't want to get fired do you?" 

Kimberly leaned in, "Um I just told everyone their jobs were not on the line."

Michael slapped his head, "Oh." He placed his hand on her back and she instantly moved out of the way. "Why don't we go back to my office and discuss…"

A devilish smirk crossed her lips and a flirty tone, "You know, Michael this day isn't about your _productivity_, Jan has already been _VERY explicit_ about how _good_ you are." She placed her hand on his chest. "No, this day is about your staff. The very best thing you can do is stay in your office. We'll _conference_ at the end of the day."

* * *

_Jim looked into the camera; he looks like he's swallowed chucky milk. "That was the single grossest thing I have ever seen in my life."

* * *

Michael facing the camera, he's beaming. "I think she's really into me."

* * *

Kimberly's speaking to the cameraman, she looks pale and sick, "I think I'm going to be ill."_

* * *

Over the course of the next two hours Kimberly walked around the office and suppressed at least fifteen yawns. Pam played spider solitaire, Dwight bobbled his bobble head dolls and Jim called Pam on the phone twice. 

When she realized she was about to doze off; Kimberly announced she was interview people now.

Stanley was the first to enter the conference room. He spoke and Kimberly listened. She shook her head and sighed deeply, "my God you're just trying to make it until retirement and you're hoping Michael will get fired, quit or be killed in some horrible way in the mean time."

Stanley looked up, "you mean I'm that transparent?"

Kimberly nodded and pushed the plate of chocolate chip cookies towards Stanley, "have a cookie."

* * *

Angela was next on the chopping block. Kimberly started down at her file for a minute before looked at Angela. She nodded and finally gazed towards the uptight blonde. "So, what's your opinion of interoffice dating?" 

Angela became flustered and stiff. "Um I think it's unprofessional and lowers productivity."

Kimberly looked down at the file once more. Silence loomed in the air. "Oh really."

"Yes."

Kimberly shrugged, "I don't see anything wrong with it, it's hard to meet people now a days and it seems to make sense to meet people where you spend the most amount of time. As long as you keep it as professional at work, everything should work out."

A small sliver of a smile crossed Angela's face. Kimberly returned to reading her file. "That will be all."

"Thank you." Angela fought her smile as she walked back to her desk.

* * *

Kelly hadn't stopped talking since she walked in the conference room. "Oh my god! Isn't Ryan the cutest thing in the whole universe? He's just the best. He's my boyfriend." 

Kimberly's eyes grew wide, "I think interoffice romance is very unprofessional and hinders productivity."

* * *

_Kimberly stared into the camera, pinching the bridge of her nose. "All I did was say "hello" and she assaulted me with long strings of words of nonsense. Do you have any Advil?"_

* * *

When Dwight sat down before the brunette he launched into a rant about the importance of downsizing. Kimberly waved her hand to stop and leaned in very carefully. "Dwight, do you know how you can tell if someone's tool or not." 

Dwight's eyes searched the room, "Um no."

With such earnestness she stated, "_Buffy the Vampire Slayer_." Dwight's eyes brighten he smiled and nodded for her to continue. "_Buffy's_ a guilty pleasure for most. Others think of it as a religion, whatever. The true testament is how a someone answers the question, "Do you like _Buffy_?" A cool, honest person, the kind of person you would want to hang out with would say, "Loved it, one of the best shows on TV." Or "I really enjoyed the writing." Or would state their favorite character and why. Even if the person didn't like the show, you shouldn't write them off entirely either, they might say "you know, it really wasn't my thing." Or "I've never seen an episode." But a complete tool will say, "DAMN! Sarah Michele Geller is hot!" Oh and they might sing the word "hot," get it?"

Dwight nodded. He walked back to his desk confused at his meeting but desperate to try this new knowledge out.

* * *

Kimberly shook her head a few times, "You hooked up with her on February 13? What were you thinking?" 

Ryan started to pull at his hair, "I. DON'T. KNOW!"

"You know you could call the temp agency and get a new assignment, right?"

Ryan's eyes lit up. "No I didn't!"

"Yeah. Just give them a call; you could be out of here in a week."

A new expression took hold of his face. Hope. He left the room smiling.

* * *

Kimberly walked into the bullpen for a few seconds to stretch her legs before calling Oscar over. Dwight was asking Jim about _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. Jim shrugged, most of the time he avoided all contact or conversation with Dwight, but this time it was something he sort of, kind of, cared about. "I liked Zander, he reminds me of myself in High School." 

Pam called over, "Wow I was just like Willow, well, before she became gay."

Michael entered from his office, "You talking about _Buffy_? Sarah Michele Geller, HOT!" He, of course, sang the last word. Pam and Jim rolled their eyes, while Dwight looked like something had just died a little inside of him.

Kimberly rubber her temples for a second and walked over to Michael, she placed her finger on his lips and in a soft sexy voice she cooed, "You're so pretty when you're quiet."

His eyes grew wide, as she bit her lower lip and her left hand patted the front of his pants. He turned nine shades of red and turned back into his office.

* * *

_Michael was smiling, talking into the camera, "Well obviously this isn't the first time a beautiful woman has come on to me at work. And I would be lying if I said I didn't think the attraction was mutual." He ran his fingers through his hair and his smile started to fall, "But, as you know, I have a pretty serious girlfriend, Jan, and I don't want do anything that might hurt her." A coy smiled crossed his lips, "But still maybe she wouldn't be apposed to adding a new addition into the 'relationship.' You get what I mean?"_

* * *

_Kimberly looked into the camera; she's looking greener than ever. "Do you have any hand sanitizer?"_

* * *

_Pam talked to the camera, smiling, "Yep I played a little joke on everyone, a girl's got to have her fun. Kimberly Moss is my very best friend in the whole world. She's so cool and brave; I love her like a sister."_

* * *

When Oscar left, Kimberly called Jim into the conference room next. He sat behind the table with a smirk. "So when are you going to tell me you aren't from Corporate?" 

She cocked one eyebrow, "what was the dead give away, when I grabbed Michael's crotch?"

He laughed, "That or the fact that Pam has a picture of you in a wedding dress on her desk and for the past three weeks she's been talking about how her best friend Kimmy is moving to Scranton."

"You got me. I could tell you I'm a journalist and I'm researching an article about how people treat authority figures but I won't. I wanted to find out if Dwight was real."

Jim laughed, "My roommate didn't believe me either!"

They shared in each other laughter for a moment before she became serious, "You were the real reason I came here today. I'm going to have one of the hardest conversations with my best friend and I need you to be completely honest."

He shifted under her ice gaze. "Sure."

"If you were offered a better job with more money but you would have to relocate, would you take it?"

"It depends on what the job was."

She fired back, "I seem to recall you already were offered a better job and you didn't take it."

"I like it here." He shifted once more.

Kimberly shook her head, "No you don't. You seem to only like one thing here."

A smirk and a head nod, "you're right, I like messing with Dwight."

Kimberly tapped her pen against her desk. "If the office was on fire and you could only save one person who would that be?"

He became stiff and his word honest, "Pam."

Kimberly leaned in, "Are you in love with her?"

Jim went instantly pale and became flustered, no one had ever called him out like this before. No one had ever been so blunt, most people just assume he wanted to sleep with her. "Um, well." He scratched at his head and swallowed deeply.

Kimberly smiled and put her hand up, "you don't need to say any more."

She wanted him to relax but he breathing was erratic. Softly she said, "You know, Zander was my favorite character too."

His breathing slowed down. "really?"

She nodded, "I liked the underdog." She reached out her hand to shake his. "You're the real deal, Jim Halper. It was a pleasure to finally meet you."

Feeling like he was regaining control of his body, he shook her hand, "You too." He stood up.

"Jim, one last question, how long would it take you for you to make your move? Let's say they broke up on a Monday."

He thought it over, "Thursday, it would be Thursday."

* * *

She smiled and walked him to the door. Once he was seated at his desk, she called Pam over. Pam remained tight lipped until the conference door was closed. Then a huge toothy grin plastered itself all over her face. "See I told you he was real!" 

Kimmy tossed her head back and chuckled, "Seriously Dwight should never have kids."

"I know. Ewe and what was up with you and Michael, am I going to have report that to your husband?"

"No way, I was trying to lower the sexual harassment in the office; I was doing you a favor!"

The two old friends laughed and started to eat the remaining cookies.

"Isn't Jim great!" Pam chomped down on the last cookie.

"Yeah he is." Kimmy's face started to fall a little, her smile fading away. Pam instantly read this look and understood its meaning. "What? Why are you giving me that look, that "I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear" look?"

Kimmy swallowed, "Because I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear." She breathed deeply, trying to buy herself time, "I don't think you're in love with Roy."

Pam's eyes grew wide with horror, "WHAT? How can you say that?"

"I think you loved him once, but that time has passed. I think you're with him out of habit and fear. You've given up on living because you assume this is the way it's supposed to be. You're so much more then you've made your life to be. You're an artist but you're too afraid to do anything with your art. You think Roy is a part of the life you're supposed to have, but it's not the life you want!" Kimmy stared down at faux wood grain of the desk.

Pain and betrayal loomed on her voice, "Why are you saying this, you're supposed to be my Maid of Honor."

Kimmy wanted to correct her, it was Matron of Honor, but didn't. "Because I've been your best friend since we were eight years old. I know you better than anyone I know you're terrified and dying in this life that was created around you. You aren't happy." Pam lips were tight again, this time she wasn't holding back her laughter, but anger. Kimmy tried a different tactic. "You've had three years to plan a wedding and how much of it has been finalized? The weddings a few months away and you still don't have a reception hall, caterer or even a dress. You must be putting it off for some reason or person."

That stung Pam to her core. She pushed herself out of her chair. "I don't need to listen to this."

Pam stormed out of the conference room and headed towards the elevators. Kimberly followed after her, "PAM! Wait, I know you're scared but I'll be there to help you. Try something new, it could be the best thing that ever happened to too. Take a risk once and a while."

The elevator doors opened and Pam walked inside, as they were about to close Kimberly pushed them open and stepped inside. "No matter what you choose I'll always be there for you, you know I love you."

The door closed.

The office sat in stunned silence. As if frozen under glass no one stirred until Michael opened his door. "Did Kimberly leave?" He asked confused.

Dwight slowly stood up and walked over to Michael and placed his hand on his boss' shoulder. "I'm sorry Michael but it would never work out between you two. She's a lesbian."


End file.
